Not again
by Sophie The Shipper
Summary: He couldn't do it again. [Leonard/Penny/OC] [Complete]
1. Chapter 1

**I don't own TBBT or the characters.** Just the idea.

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"I'm pregnant"

His heart started to race. He felt like he was going to faint. He was going to be a father. Just like he was 18 years before that moment until 5 months into the pregnancy, after finding out he was having a baby boy, his now ex-wife lost the child. He should have a 18 year old son by now. He should be looking for coleges and freaking out over the fact his baby boy was "leaving the nest". He shouldn't be freaking out about being a dad for the first time but going through this the second time. He shouldn't be taking so long to say something to his current wife who's been asking if he was okay for 3 minutes by now. He shouldn't be grabbing his jacket and car keys and running down the stairs. He shouldn't be running past his Best Friend for the last 14 years who was next to his fiancée both asking what was wrong. He shouldn't have done it. But he just couldn't take another of those heatbreaks. One was enough.

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 **This is not a one-shot. This will have more chapters.** Maybe today maybe tomorrow or next week! **Review and tell me what you think!**


	2. Chapter 2

**I don't own TBBT or the characters.**

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He ran to his car. He was surprised he hadn't got a text or a call from anyone yet. They would all think he was just freaking out about being a dad. A part of him was but the other was trying to figure out how he was going to tell his wife that he was already married and was almost a father. Even though he was smart he never went through that before.

He finally found himself watching the ocean hit the rocks and their beautiful sound. He was better but still feeling sick. By now he had missing calls from all his friends. But he didn't csre for that. He had to call one person and ask how to get better. Michelle. His ex-wife who had two kids already and a husband who was worst than most Penny's ex-boyfriends.

"Michelle? Yeah, it's me... Yeah, it's Braniac. Listen can I tell you something? I kind of need advice..." he started

"And you want _my_ advice? Are you drunk or something?" Michelle asked

"No, but I wish I was..." Leonard said

"Ok then. It seems serious. What's wrong?"

"Penny's pregnant."

"Wh-What?! Are you kidding?! Congrats!"

"Yeah. Thanks." He said like it was the most simple thing in the whole world to say something like that.

"Aren't you excited?"

"I just keep thinking... you know about..."

"About what happened to our son? You're thinking about Tyler? Sweetie pie it might not happen again... It might just be a one time thing. Look in 9 months I'll get a call from you saying that you're a dad. And you'll have the biggest smile on your face when you say that. Ok?"

"It _might_ happen that way _or_ it happens the same way it did last time. How am I supposed to go through that _again? How_ am I suppose to be there for Penny if I'm falling appart to? I wasn't there for you last time. I wasn't able to help you. I barely made it out alive the first time. Can't do it twice. I just can't!"

"Ok. Let's do this. You breath in and out for 1 minute or 2 and I'll keep telling you everything's gojng to be ok. Can you that?"

"I think I can."

They did that for awhile and then Leonard hang up. He was feeling better after that and he knew that Michelle wasn't over what happened to Tyler either. He just needed to tell the truth to Penny. She just needed to understand. Understand why he ran. He was scared of losing everything he cared about. _Again._

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 **Review. Want me to continue it?**


	3. Chapter 3

Someone said they would like to see Penny's Point of View. I thought that was an amazing idea. So I wrote her side of the story. I already had a chapter ready to post but decided to post this one first.

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 **I don't own TBBT or any of the characters. I only own Michelle!**

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Since the moment that Leonard left that Penny was really miserable. She had no idea of what to do and she briefly thought of going back to Nebraska. She knew how much of a jerk some of her ex-boyfriends could be but Leonard was always different from them. Sure he kissed that girl on that North Sea expedition but he was drunk. Most her old boyfriends would do that on purpose and wouldn't stop at kissing.

Besides none of them where Leonard. The person who gave her the snowflake when he and the guys came back from the North Pole even though they weren't dating. The one that said "I love you" way too soon and never made her say it until she was ready. The one who was always proposing and ended up letting her be the one to propose. The one who had a ring on his wallet ready to give it to her when she was finally ready. The one who danced with her on the prom do-over because they were alone. The one who would do anything for her no matter what. That guy was special and there was absolutely no way he was leaving her now.

No. He was just scared.

She thought about it for a long time. Everyone started to show up and try to make her feel better. They were all there in apartment 4A when there was a knock on the door. Howard went to open it.

"Leon—Oh! Hello. Uhm…"

"Who are you?" Bernadette asked

"Oh… Uhm… Leonard never said anything…" They all said 'no' with their heads.

"Ok then. I'm Michelle. I'm a… this is going to be a little weird. I'm Leonard's ex-wife"

There was only one thing heard for about 30 second. Everyone's mouth falling to the ground. Michelle's words ringing in everyone's ears. Leonard's ex-wife. Leonard's ex-wife. Leonard's ex-wife. Leonard's ex-wife.

"I-I'm so-sorry. Leonard's what now?" Bernadette started

"Ex-wife. Look I know this is weird but it's true. It happened a long time ago and we don't even talk now. We both did…things. I regret it but there's nothing I can do about it now…"

"What things?" Penny asked. She had never heard about Leonard being married to anyone but after everything she still believed that he didn't mention it because he didn't think it was important. After all she was married too while she was dating Leonard. Maybe that was his way of actually finding out that Las Vegas chapels are actually able to marry people.

"I prefer not to talk about that. It's sad and even though it's been a long time it still hurts to think about it." Michelle said

"How long were you two together?" Raj asked

"We were together since we were 17. We were together for 4 years and then we got married. We got a divorce 2 years after. So we were together for 6 years."

'6 years!' They all thought. That was a good reason for why Leonard sucked at relationships and actually keeping them. He was together with someone for so long and he was so young when they started dating that he had no idea how to be with anyone else.

"That's a long time. He and Penny aren't together for that long. They've together for like five years." Howard said "Look something happened and we don't…"

"…know where he is?" Howard nodded and Michelle continued "Well that's why I'm here. I know he left in a hurry because he called me. It had been so long since he called that I found it odd. You see when we were together I got pregnant"

'What?! Leonard's a dad?!' They all thought

"But around the fifth month we lost the kid." Michelle said trying to keep the tears from falling. She failed. Amy grabbed the tissue box and gave her a tissue. Michelle took the whole box from Amy and put it on the coffee table. She then continued to talk.

"Well… After that everything went downhill. Leonard was barely home and when he was we fought. None of us was actually able to go into Tyler's room and clean everything up. We sold the house with everything still inside."

"Who's Tyler?" Sheldon asked

"Our son. Leonard was devastated. When we finally got a divorce he moved out and came to LA. That's when you all met him. We didn't speak to each other until about 4 years after he left he called and told me he had a hot neighbor." She smiled looked at Penny and then resumed the conversation" We didn't speak for so long that when he called to say that to me I was surprised. He was happier than he was when we broke up. That's when I decided to move on. I was already married but I was waiting to find out if Leonard wanted me back. When I heard him say that I finally decided to get pregnant again. This…" Michelle grabbed her wallet and picked a photo "is my son, TJ. Tommy Junior. He's 9 and loves dinosaurs. And this is Gaby. She's 5 and loves ballet and the color pink." She smiled.

"She's really cute." Bernadette said.

"Yeah. She is. They both are." Michelle then turned to Penny. "Look right now Leonard is not only scared of being a dad but he is also scared of not being one. You know what I mean?"

"Yeah. I do. After this story he's not the only one." Penny said

"Don't worry. You two just have to be there for each other and everything will be ok. Leonard's older now and more mature. He'll react better to it. I think. But you'll both need support and to know the other is right there in case they need something is important. Don't forget. We were 22 years old when it happened. It's never easy but… I don't know we took it as a sign of the universe that our lives were doomed forever. We didn't exactly have good parents and we were both bullied at school. When we got together, at least I felt like I belonged somewhere. I had someone to talk to after a long day and actually cared."

"Yeah Leonard's like that. No matter what happens with him he's always there for me." Penny and Michelle both smiled at each other. They all started to talk about things Leonard did and they all learned something new that night.

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 **ReadReview!**

This is the longest chapter yet because I decided to show a little of who Michelle is and how her relationship with Leonard was like. Please tell me if you liked it and tell me where to improve!


	4. Chapter 4

Back at Leonard! Thanks for everyone reading it!

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I **don't own TBBT or their characters**

He went to his apartment ready to explain everything to Penny. But he was to late...

"Hi, Pe... What are you doing here Michelle?!"

"Well, when you called I kind of took a plane here. It wasn't that hard. Took me less time to get here then it took you." Michelle explained "I was going to try to help so I came to your apartment but you weren't here. Your friends were though so I kind of told them everything." She looked at him trying to see if he was mad. She knew him. They were married for 2 years. Enough time to get to know a person. Especially after dating for 4 years before that.

But she didn't find anything to tell her he was mad.

"Thank you!" He said.

"Wait?! What?!" She was surprised by his reaction. It wasn't what she expected.

"That way I don't have to explain anything."

"Yes you do. Why did you came here?" Howard asked

"Here as in LA? Well I needed to leave Hawaii and besides Japan this is the closest place to Hawaii that I know. I always liked LA so I thought 'Why not?'"

"Can we talk, Leonard?" Penny asked

"Sure." Leonard said. After everything that happened that day he had no idea what could happen

They left and went to the roof. After the prom dance that place ended up being 'Their Place'. The place they went when they needed a break from a everyone but each other.

"You were married?" She started. 'didn't even allowed me to take a breath' Leonard thought

"Yes I was. Before you start I didn't tell you anything because I don't like to be reminded of that. It was good while it lasted but after Tyler... everything went downhill. Everytime I think about it I... I freak out and lose myself."

"Are you ok with... you know" Smiling she puts her hand in her belly.

Leonard took a minute to realize what was happenning. He puts his hand in her belly

"I am freaking out. But... We're going to be parents!" They both smiled, kissed each other and hugged for a long time just taking in what just happened.

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 **Review**!

Just because Leonard's back and Penny knows everything doesn't mean that this is over. Michelle's still in town.

Also this is a shorter chapter just to clear the air between Leonard and Penny.

I'm going to stop posting for a while. This story won't have a new chapter until I actually have time. Until the **second week of December** I have tests so I need to study. I'll try to write whenever I can but I can't promise anything!


	5. Chapter 5

**It has been a month since I posted. So I decided to put a chapter before the holidays start.**

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Penny and Michelle started a friendship. Bernadette was fine with it. Since she had to take care of Halley she didn't have time to worry about her friendship with Penny. They were great friends. But Amy was jealous and worried. Since she spent almost every night with Sheldon planning the wedding, and Penny was either with Leonard or with Michelle, she was concerned that her friendship with Penny was going to be destroyed. She thought of telling that to someone but she didn't know who.

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One day Leonard was having lunch in the cafeteria. He was alone, since everyone had left to go back to work. It was already 3pm so Amy thought it was strange Leonard was having lunch at that time of the day. She asked if she could sit next to him.

"Sure." He answered

"Great, thanks." They sat in silence for a while. But then Amy decided to speak "Leonard, are you okay with Michelle being in town? And, you know, with her always being with Penny?"

"I mean it's a little awkward for me. Especially when she starts to talk about how we used to be. But other than that it's fine. But why are you asking?"

"Nothing. Just.. you know… talking." She said. 'maybe I'm just overthinking everything' she thought.

She had no idea how wrong she was. Michelle was there not only to ruin Penny and Amy's friendship but to also ruin a lot more. They were going to have their life's torn apart by her.

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 **Sorry** for the short chapter. Didn't write anything for a month. Next chapter might be bigger. This was an introduction to the next plot. **There's more next week! Or in 2 weeks.** I still have a test this week so I need to study for it.

 **Read &Review!**

 **PS:** This story is written after **season 11 episode 1. Shamy is engaged but Bernadette is not pregnant.**


	6. Chapter 6

**I don't own The Big Bang Theory or the characters. I only own Michelle.**

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After that conversation with Amy in the cafeteria, Leonard started to think more and more about everything that changed since Michelle came to town. Since she came, Penny has been more distracted. Leonard thought it was because of what she found out about him and because of the pregnancy. Maybe it was Michelle and her stay in the apartment. They were always together which meant Leonard was alone a lot. Howard and Bernadette were with Halley, Raj and Stuart were also there to help and Sheldon and Amy were together preparing the wedding.

One day, they are all having dinner at apartment 4A. They are making small talk, talking about work and about the wedding. Suddenly, Amy turns at Michelle

"Hey, I don't think you ever told us what your job is?"

"Oh. I'm an engineer. I actually have a PhD in Engineering." Michelle answers, with a smile on her face.

Sheldon looks at Howard that was already looking at Sheldon. Bernadette glares at Sheldon, who quickly bows his head back to his food.

"I didn't know about it. Where did you take it?" Amy asks again. She still remembered the conversation she had with Leonard in cafeteria so she was trying to get as much information about that woman as she could

"University of Hawaii. I studied there, but I did my PhD at MIT." Michelle was trying not to say a lot. But she was already waiting for more questions so the more she answered the less suspicious it would be.

"Why did you change places?" Bernadette asks.

'Great job, Bernie! Thanks. If you ask things too, it won't be as weird' Amy thinks

Bernadette was only asking because of Leonard. He had shown up a lot of times in her house. They watched TV and talked about kids for the first few times, but over the time Leonard started to talk about Michelle. Bernadette wondered why Michelle was still there after so long, she did say she was married and had two kids.

"Because of…" Michelle looks at Leonard, who wasn't really interested in the conversation and was just playing with the food.

He felt the stares to he looked up.

"What?"

'Nothing', 'Forget about it' and 'It's okay' was what he heard. He was actually hearing the conversation just didn't want them to think he was paying attention.

"Anyway" Michelle continues "After what happened I needed a change so I went to MIT. I really liked it there"

Bernadette looks at Howard and nods her head to Michelle without anyone noticing. Howard opens his mouth and closes it. He then rolls his eyes and decided to speak.

"Hey, what about your husband and kids? Where are they?" Howard asks. They all look expectantly at Michelle, waiting for her to answer

"They, they are…uhm…" Michelle coughs and drinks a little bit of water, taking the time to think. 'What am I going to tell them? The truth?' Michelle licks her lips with her tongue and gulps. She then looks at Howard and decides it's time to tell them the truth. "Tommy and I got a divorce" She says and waits for Leonard's reaction, but that never comes. She looks at him and he's still playing with his food. "Nothing? Seriously?"

Leonard looks at Michelle and laughs. Hysterically, like they never saw him laughing. He stops laughing out of nowhere and just stares at Michelle. He looks at his food, puts the fork down and places the container in the table. He then proceeds to answer.

"I asked Eddie. About you and Tommy. I knew something was wrong between the two of you. You've been for too long. He said Tommy got the kids after the divorce and they are staying at his grandmother's house. Eddie also said you work a lot and you're barely home. And when you actually are home, you're working. That's why it didn't work between you and Tommy. That's why I didn't make a big deal about you staying here for the first few days. But it's been, what 3 weeks?"

Michelle looks at Leonard, without understanding why he didn't ask her about it. Like Leonard could read her mind, he answers her question

"We're not friends, Michelle. Not the way we used to but I still worry about you. Again, not the way I used to. Sorry, but I had to ask your brother what was wrong with you."

Michelle couldn't take it anymore, so she just gets up and leaves.

They all think if they should go after her, but they assume she wants to be alone.

Hours later, when Leonard was going to bed, he kisses his wife and is about to close his eyes when he hears the phone ring. He gets up, puts his glasses on and opens the door. Getting to the phone, he sees it's an unknown number. Wondering who would call at 12:30 AM he answers.

"Yes? Who is this?"

"Hello? Am I speaking with Dr. Leonard Hofstadter?" The unknown person asks

"Yes. Who am I speaking with?"

"This is Pasadena's Medical Center. I'm calling since you are Dr. Michele Black's emergency contact"

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 **Read &Review**

Sorry for updating so late. I forgot this story even existed:)

I will try to update sooner. No promises!

What will happen next? And why is Leonard Michelle's emergency contact?


	7. Chapter 7

Thanks to my beta **MillionLights** for taking the time to read this chapter and thanks for the great suggestions!

 **I don't own The Big Bang Theory or the characters**

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Leonard's heart started to race. A million questions began to fly in his head, but none of them really mattered. He started to look around the apartment, thinking of what he would need to take with him to the hospital. He quickly took his jacket, wallet, and keys and put them on his desk. Then, with a spurt of athletic ability, ran to his room to change clothes.

When he got there, he saw that Penny was asleep, so he tried to be quiet. He then wrote on a paper and put it on her nightstand to let her know where he was heading. Going back out and grabbing his things, he drove straight to the hospital where he found a nurse.

"I'm sorry, I'm Dr. Leonard Hofstadter. I got a call saying that I was Dr. Michele Black's emergency contact and I was supposed to come here. Can you tell me what's going on?"

"Dr. Michele Black? Great. Come with me, please."

The nurse took him to a room down the hall, which was empty. It only had a vending machine, a couch, and a coffee machine.

"Stay here. Someone will come to talk to you shortly. You can do whatever you want, just please stay in this room." And with that, she left.

Leonard sat on the couch looking around the room, not really knowing what to do. He decided to go to the window to see the view, but it was night and all he could see were the lights from cars and streetlamps. He smiled when he remembered the way he had proposed to Michele.

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 _Flashback_

They were in Hawaii and had just eaten dinner at their favorite restaurant. Leonard wasn't very nervous since Michele had told him she wanted to get married earlier. They went to the parlor and sat on the benches that were there. For a few minutes, the pair simply looked around at the lights. Leonard took a deep breath and got down on his knee.

"Michele, I'm not really good with words, you usually tell me what to say…"

"Yes?" She answered, interrupting him.

"Can you please let me finish?" he asked, both laughing and nearly crying.

"I can. I will."

"Okay. Here it is. Even though I'm not really good with words, I'm great with actions. And I think this is the most important one of my life. So, Michele, will you do the pleasure of being my wife?"

Michele hesitated for only a second, but it felt like forever to Leonard. If he got turned down, he would most likely break into a million pieces. And then she spoke. "Yes! I will."

He was relieved of all of his concerns. Michele had said yes; there was no need to worry. He swept her up into his arms and hugged her tightly. Together, they watched the fireworks in a comfortable silence.

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Leonard watched the lights until he got a little tired. Looking at his watch, he decided to sleep a little bit on the couch, believing someone would probably wake him up when they came. It was 2 AM when he closed his eyes.

He woke to the feeling of someone touching his shoulder. He expected a doctor, and instead, he got his wife.

"What are you doing here?" Leonard asked, a little sleepy.

"I saw your note. I came to the hospital, asked about you and Michele. That's when they told me about her accident. What are you doing here?"

"They called me."

"No, here as in this room."

"Oh… A nurse brought me here a while ago. Told me to wait."

It took a second after the end of his sentence for the same nurse to open the door of that room. Behind her were some cops.

"Dr. Leonard Hofstadter?" Leonard nodded. "We're here to ask you some questions regarding Ms. Michele's mental health."

"She's actually a doctor," Leonard said. The cop looks at him like he's some kind of weirdo. "She doesn't like when people don't call her Dr."

"Okay. I'm sorry, miss but you can't be here." The other cop tells Penny.

"Okay. I'll wait for you outside." She kissed him and left the room, leaving Leonard alone with the cops.

"So, how long have you known Dr. Michele?"

"Maybe, since we were both sixteen? Around that time."

"And how would you categorize your relationship with her?"

"At first we were good friends. Eventually, we got together and we married. After a while, for a difficult moment, we got a divorce. I haven't talked to her for a few years."

"And that difficult moment was the miscarriage of your child?"

Leonard took a deep breath.

"Yes. It was."

"And how do you qualify her mental health?"

"What do you mean?"

"Has she been depressed lately? We know she got divorced a while ago."

"I think she's been fine. Like anyone is years after they get divorced."

"Is she a drinker?"

"She wasn't much of a drinker when we were together. I don't know about that now. Both her parents were drunks, so she hated excessive drinking. I was with her for a lot of years, I barely saw her even touch a glass of alcohol."

"Okay. I think we have everything we need. We'll get in contact with you if we need more information."

"I'm sorry but if you don't mind me asking, why are you asking me this?"

Both cops look at each other.

"We need to assess Dr. Black's mental health to see if she can go to trial for driving while inebriated. She's the cause of the death of at least 10 citizens."

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 **Read &Review**

Yes, I know that Leonard is actually good with words. It was not a mistake. This will be explained in the next chapters.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary:** _He couldn't do it again.  
_ **Word count:** _1287  
_ **Disclaimer** _: I don't own The Big Bang Theory or the characters. I only own Michelle._

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 _"We could have another baby!" Michelle yells._

 _"We're not replacing him" Leonard yells back. He says him weirdly, like Tyler hadn't been anything, or more like he had been everything._

" _We're not going to replace him. But we need to move on!" She says, maybe too harsh or too soft, she couldn't tell anymore. That line on the sand was smudged ever since that awful moment she lost their child, on that cold winter night, as if the weather knew what they were going through._

" _ **Move on**_ _?!" He yells, not being able to hide his anger anymore. He was angry at everything, at her, himself... everything but his still-born. But even though he was angry at her, he was mostly pissed with himself. He was in self-destruct mode._

" _Yes." It came as a whisper, a soft plead for him to calm down a little bit._ _I'm hurting too,_ _she meant to say. But there was no way he would take it well, without yelling back._

" _ **That's not possible**_ _!" He yells, once more. This time she gets a whiff of alcohol, just like all the other times. He was drowning himself in booze to somehow cover his pain. She pitied him, right there. She couldn't save herself from the pain she was feeling inside, and without saving herself, she couldn't save him._

 _She sees him march out of the door, without even looking behind him. She sees as her once loving husband gets in his car and goes away. She sees herself falling to the ground, realizing she lost everything. It hadn't been fair, and it still wasn't fair. As he went away, she was worried about him never getting back home, being somewhere with his car against other cars, him not being able to move and eventually die._

 _Even if he did die there, she wouldn't lose. That had happened already._

She wakes up then, the cold sweat running down her pale, tired face. It had been like this for so long, ever since he called her. She tried to help, she really did. He was moving on after she had done the same. The only difference being that his wife really wanted him, while her husband disappeared with her kids without saying a word. Without allowing her to say goodbye to them.

Looking around the cold, hostile environment she was in, she can remember the feeling of being his girl, of him grabbing her waist and dancing around with her on their wedding day. The next days were like that too, she recalls, him being so sweet and compassionate. The day she found of her pregnancy, he calmed her nerves, telling her everything would be okay, making promises he couldn't keep.

And when she miscarriage, he was her ground. Until it, all fell apart. She can't be exact on when that happens, but one day everything changed. He was someone else. Someone she didn't recognize.

She can remember the moment she saw them hugging each other like he did with her years before. If she closes her eyes, she can imagine them holding each other in bed, all content with each other. Him rubbing her belly, talking to his child, just like he had done with their child.

It was painful to think about it but somehow kept her sane.

She had killed all those people in an awful car crash, and still, somehow, Leonard being with someone else was worst, in her head. That was jealousy taken to a completely different level.

She doesn't care if she was accused of it, after all, it was her fault. She wasn't asking for penitence or pity. She didn't need a lawyer just so that she can whisper that she's guilty. It's her fault those peoples lives were cut short. Just like it was her fault her son wasn't even born. The only reason for her to leave would be to make Leonard and Penny miserable, but she loved Leonard way too much to hurt him. She didn't want it to end like it ended all those years ago.

 _She had found him at his preferred bar, just in the middle of the place he always got his haircuts and his pharmacy. It was an odd place to put a bar, but he didn't seem to care._

 _She was greeted by the bartender and owner, Alika – which name was perfectly given, meaning guardian. He had been her husbands' confider ever since she couldn't be anymore, ever since he stopped trusting her with his secrets and problems._

 _She found him at the back of the car, sipping his whiskey tonic, and judging by the glasses on the table, it wasn't his first._

 _Michelle cautiously approached him, looking at him carefully. His glasses couldn't mask the pain visible on his eyes, the dark circles under his eyes told the story of all the restless nights he had been having for so long. He had lost weight, too much in her opinion. He had always been a short man, but there he seemed even smaller. But to her, he was still as amazing as he had ever been._

 _But once he looked up and saw her, and their eyes met, she knew. She knew there was nothing there worth saving._

 _No matter how much she wanted to protect him, to save him there was no use. She would come out of there as the bad guy, not the scared – scratch that, terrified! – wife whose husband was getting lost within himself. With red eyes that were a clear indication – if dark circles weren't enough – that he hadn't slept well in weeks, but it was clear he had been crying. She saw his hard shell on, the walls to protect him from everything growing everything second. She wanted to tear them down because one day he would have the walls so high he couldn't climb them himself. He would end up hurting himself in the process. He already was._

 _But that mask he put on, the walls and everything else, they covered the good part of him. The part of him that made her smile, be happy. That was an awful indication that he had nothing in the world. She was being treated like nothing. And she didn't like that._

" _I'm sorry." She started. But as soon as those words came out, he had his wallet on his hands, money on the table and he left. In that split second he had his wallet open, she saw the last sonogram they had done before the loss of their child._

 _He was lost, and it didn't seem to ever get better._

Staring at the wall, tears came down. She doesn't want to remember, but she's going crazy with the thought that she doesn't exactly the moment things ended. It wasn't that moment, it was later, almost a month later, maybe before maybe after. She didn't remember. Those days went as a blur to her. Days passed without her realizing it.

She remembers the moment he became, for a second, violent. But she could almost see his big brown eyes with compassion for her once more, scared of the man he was becoming. She saw him leaving there and not showing up during an entire week until she found an envelope by her door, with the divorce papers signed by him and the ring on top. Had it been then that things were over? Or was it before? Why did he throw the bottle to the ground? Why can't she remember? She was going crazy, wasn't she?

And somehow, as Michelle stood in that cell, the awful, painful memories and the thought of going crazy because she couldn't remember, were what kept her sane, grounded.

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 **End of Chapter 8**

I know it has been like five months since the last update on this story, so here it is. I have no idea on what to write next, so if any of you have literally any idea, please tell me! Tell me what you thought of this chapter, please. :)

 **And, btw, sorry for having an entire chapter dedicated to Michelle, but I added a little of Leonard there too, so...^_^**

Also, does Leonard seem OOC? I mean, he's grieving so maybe it's understandable, but I honestly don't really know. And I sincerely hope I'm doing the whole miscarriage story some justice, don't have any experience with it...


	9. Chapter 9

**Word count:** _1509_  
 **Disclaimer** : _I don't own The Big Bang Theory. Only own Michelle and detective Jacob Hoyt._

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He paced that floor so much that he could almost open on the floor. And that's exactly what he was hoping to, especially when the agent that was working on Michelle's case arrived. Just for a hole to open on the floor and suck him into the inside of the earth. As a scientist, he knew he would be impossible to survive such high temperatures and the fact the debris from the hole-opening would probably bury him alive. As a human being in the position he was in, he just didn't care.

The detective sits on a chair and waits for Leonard to sit next to him. Leonard keeps pacing.

"Dr. Hofstadter." He calls, making Leonard finally look to him. "Sit." He watched as the distraught person sat in a nearby chair and looked at him. He felt pity for that guy, to be honest. He had seen this guy's wife show up every day for the last week, the way they were together, happy. But as soon as she left, a somber look would appear on his before smiling face. He would then pace the halls until someone appeared with someone clue as to why this happened. Like he was about to do.

"Detective Hoyt?" Leonard says, making the detective look at his notes just to pretend like he doesn't know what to say. He knew what he was supposed to say, just didn't know how.

"Haven't I told you to call me Jake?" He says, adding a smile to his face. Coming from a family of cops and being the fourth in the lineage of his family to become a police officer, he knew that try to make a person comfortable was the best in situations like this. He had seen his father do it for years when he was younger before he left the police and they moved away from where they used to live after his grandfather died. His family took it hard.

"What do you got Jake?" Leonard starts. Jake immediately puts his detective face on.

"She's admitting to having killed those people. She admits she was upset at the time, got wasted and drove. There's not going to be any trial." Leonard lets out a breath when he hears that. That was the last thing he wanted, to be a trial. He knew he would have to testify, being her ex-husband.

"Good. I mean, I wished this thing didn't happen, but still... at least she's admitting to it."

Jake nods. Closing his notepad, he lets out a yawn. For the last two weeks, he hadn't slept very well, being around the precinct working the case, talking to the families and coming to the hospital to interview the suspect. She never remembered something, or would be sleeping. She took a hit on the head during the accident, but she was finally recovered from it.

"When is she going to be released?" The detective asks.

"You would have to talk to the nurse, I don't really know. What I do know is that I'm going home to sleep since the case is over." Leonard says, letting out a sigh.

"It's not your fault that this happened, Leonard," Hoyt says, putting his hand on the man's shoulder, to comfort him.

"Yes, it is. I called her. I brought her here. If I didn't do that, then those people would be home with their families, families that wouldn't bury them." He starts to cry, the guilt and the lack of sleep taking its toll on him.

"She was the one that drove while intoxicated. If this wasn't now or here, it could've been anywhere. It is not your fault." The detective said, making sure Leonard understood.

"I abandoned her. She needed me there, and I felt. I was selfish, I was stupid. I just left." He said, painfully looking at Jake, remembering the day he had last seen her. He doesn't remember everything, maybe because for so long he only tried to forget about it.

"What are you talking about?" Jake asks, interested.

"When our son died, when she had her miscarriage, I was a supportive husband you know. Held her hand through it all, helped her. Then one day, I went to a bar with a friend and we started to drink. For the first time since it had happened, it wasn't about her. I talked about it. It was about me. I felt selfish but the booze helped. I drank too much in the next few weeks. I stopped being home, I just worked and went to the bar. I wasn't with her." Leonard says, looking up to the blue-eyed detective that was looking at him with concern and understanding. He had seen it plenty on his line of work, that emotion that is. Regret.

"What happened next?" Hoyt asked, softly.

"I became distant. She tried to help. Every time she helped, instead of feeling better I drank more. Eventually, the alcohol didn't help anymore, you know? It didn't make me stop feeling the pain in my heart. I needed a fresh start. So I walked away. I ran away. I came here, started a new life. At first, I went to another apartment building, for a year, maybe. But once I started to need money, I went to work at Caltech and started living where I currently am. I never forgot her, but it was hard to see her. I called because I needed to remember why I was here. I needed to somehow feel grounded, and I went to the one person that I shouldn't have gone to for help."

"You needed grounding and you went to her?" Jake asked, confused.

"Yes. She reminds me of that part of my life where I didn't really know what to do. By remembering that moment, I thought I would know what to do now. It's stupid, I know." He looks away, to the ground.

"I don't think it's stupid. Look, when I was thirteen, my grandfather died. My parents were constantly working late nights and stuff so Grandpa took care of me and my sister. Once he died, my parents didn't know what to do with us. So, my dad retired and took care of us. My mom kept working like it hadn't been anything. One night I was sleeping and I wake up with yelling. It was my dad yelling for me. Apparently, my mom had past out. Know why?"

"No. Why?" Leonard answered, curious. That detective always seemed so upbeat, like his life had been perfect. To know that story, made Leonard feel like not everything is what it seems.

"She worked herself to exhaustion. You know, trying to forget about her dad's death." He said as the thought of his mother lying on the cold, carpeted floor came to his mind. "So, we moved, and my dad tried to make my mom work less and talk more to him about how she felt. It was good for all of us."

"What does that have to do with me?"

"Easy. You left because Michelle didn't push you back. My mom, even if she just escaped her own mind and not to another state, she was pulled out by my dad. Something tragic and traumatic happened to her and she worked herself to the point of break. You drank to forget, she worked. Sorry, it made sense in my head." He said, waving his head as in _forget about it._

Leonard smiled. "No, actually, even though it was a mess by the end of the explanation, it actually makes sense. Are your parents okay now?"

"Yes. Ever since my mom retired they both spend their days together and talk. They're okay now. It took a while, but they are in a good place now." Jake said, with a smile.

"Good. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need a bath and sleep. And to be with my wife." Leonard smiled back at Jake after his talk. Shanking the detective's hand, he walked to Michelle's room.

He stood at the door, looking at her. If this wasn't a hospital room and she wasn't in handcuffs, it would make Leonard remember finding her asleep on the couch during a movie. She seemed peaceful. Leonard shock that memory away. Maybe there was a silver lining to all of this. He moved on. Not from his son's death, but from his ex-wife. He loved his current wife Penny. And he was ready to start a life with her.

* * *

Once he got home, Leonard went to the bathroom to take a relaxing bath. He stood there until the water turned cold and he felt himself dozing off. Drying himself, he put on his pajamas and headed to bed.

He woke up hearing noises in the living room and decided to check them out. He got up and walked the distance to get there. Once he arrived, he found a small child running around and a man standing there. Out of nowhere, a woman opens the door. It was Michelle.

* * *

 **End of Chapter 9**

Okay, so Detective Jacob Hoyt is from another one of my stories from Crossing Jordan (he's still a child there, his dad is a detective from Boston and his mom is an ME) Anyway, took the liberty to cross the shows with this character that is my OC and never appeared on any of the six seasons of Crossing Jordan - Great show, everyone should watch it, btw :)

Anyway, this chapter was a little weird, maybe, but it was an insight into Leonard's actions.

What do you think about Michelle's doing there? How is she even there?


	10. Chapter 10

**Word count:** _566  
_ **Disclaimer** : _I don't own The Big Bang Theory or the characters. Only Michelle and the two other people._

* * *

He stared at the people in front of him. He couldn't believe what he was seeing. He thought of sitting in a chair to calm down, but he was afraid that if he moved he would just fall. So, he stood in the same place.

"Hey, sweetie." Michelle said, but with a happy voice as she used to when they were happy, before everything fell apart.

"W-what is happening? What's going on?" He asked.

"What are you talking about? Are you okay? Feeling sick?" She instantly grew worried and took him to a chair, being his support so that he wouldn't fall"

"Where's my wife?" He asked, looking into her brown, small eyes.

"Standing right here." She laughs. "You're delusional, my little man. Tyler, come here and talk to your dad."

 _Dad? Tyler? What is happening?_

"Hey, dad?" A short, brown-eyed with brown hair kid says. Apparently, he had the same name as his son would've had if he hadn't died. "Are you okay?"

Leonard sat there looking at him. The kid, Tyler, resembled Leonard. _Maybe he is my kid? Did I dream about Penny?_

"Michelle, do you know a Penny?"

She doesn't answer. But Tyler does. "I don't know anyone with that name." He shakes his head. "Maybe we should take him to the hospital?" He asks his mom, as she approaches the couch.

"We don't have to." She smiles, and that smile he recognizes. The _I'm sorry_ smile. The _pity_ smile. That's the Michelle he knows. "I know a Penny. It's his wife."

 _Wait!, what?!_

Tyler nods. Leaving the room, Tyler never comes back. A little girl approaches Michelle.

"Mommy? His daddy okay?" She asks with a sweet voice. She couldn't be more than five years old.

"He's okay, sweetie. Go play with your brother." The girl runs to her brother, disappearing forever.

"What's happening?"

"You hit your head, dummy! You're dreaming. This is only a dream. Well, more like a nightmare since I'm here, right?" She lets out an evil laugh that makes Leonard shiver.

"What?!"

"You hit your head. Now, you're imagining what your life would be if you didn't leave. And if Tyler didn't die. This would be your life." She shows him a picture of four smiling people. As he looked closer, he could see his wedding ring and one similar to his on Michelle's hand. He could see the people who had just left the room in the same picture. If this had been his life, he would be a lucky person. But that was years ago. Now, he just wanted his wife. His wife _Penny_. Not the one in front of him.

"How do I come back? How do I leave this place?"

"I don't think you can. Unless you die or something." She lets out another evil laugh. This time, instead of shivering Leonard just gets up and goes to the window. He opens it and looks to the street just four floors down.

"Wait, you're not actually thinking of jumping are ya?"

"I need to go back." He puts one foot out of the window. "If this is what it takes then so be it. Tell the kids I love them, or something." He smiles. His other foot meets the one already out of the window. Michelle doesn't move. He jumps. The last thing he remembers his the floor getting closer and closer. Then, it's all **black**.

* * *

 **End of Chapter 10**

I know, small chapter. The next one – that is probably the last one – will be a bit bigger.


	11. Chapter 11

**Word Count:** _1422  
_ **Disclaimer:** _I don't own The Big Bang Theory or the characters._

* * *

He fells his eyes opening. He immediately feels his head hurting like hell. He opens his eyes completely and watched his surroundings.

 _I'm in a hospital_.

Panic sets in. Wasn't he successful? Didn't he return to his world? Was he still on the other side, the bad one with _Michelle_?!

 _Oh, crap!_

He feels a hand holding his. He looks at it, and instead of freaking out more or taking his hand away, he soothes his facial expressions.

 _I was successful._

This is his actual wife that is holding his hand. He lets out a breath – that wakes her up.

"You're okay?" She immediately jumps at the sight of her awoken husband, instantly on his side.

"W-what happened?" He asks, his throat a little sore.

"Well, you hit your head when you left the bed. You've been in a coma for the last three days. You had so many machines attached to you." She looked scared. "I was afraid I had lost you." She starts to cry, and he pushes her to him and just holds her.

"I was afraid I lost you too." He whispers. She didn't have time to ask him anything, because the doctor showed up.

After talking to him and assessing his condition, the doctor told them that he would probably only stay a few more days at the hospital for observation and only then he could go home. As he left, a crowd of people shows up.

Weirdly, the first person to hug him was Bernadette. "I'm so glad you're okay!" She squealed and then hugged her husband.

He felt someone squeezing his foot as Amy and Sheldon hugged him. It had been Howard. "How are you feeling?"

"Like I was hit by a truck." He replied, honestly.

They all laughed. But he didn't lie. It all came back to him, the dream that is. He remembers approaching the ground and a passing truck literally pulling away from everything. _Why do I remember this?_ He wonders.

But some things don't have an explanation.

* * *

When he finally returned home – Leonard loved being indoors but discovered that he did not love all indoors, so he created a list in his mind that included the mall – he just wanted to watch a movie and then sleep. And that was exactly what happened. He arrived at the fourth flight of stairs, waited as Penny opened the door, and saw his friends there. He sighed. He didn't want a party.

"You get to chose the movie," Sheldon announced, reluctantly. He clearly wanted to be the one that chose the movie.

Leonard sat down on his little couch. "Know what, buddy, you chose."

Sheldon instantly smiles and runs to the TV to put on Star Wars. Groans are heard all around the apartment – from the girls, obviously.

"We're watching Star Wars. Leonard said I could choose." Sheldon complained.

"Wait! The entire franchise?!" Even Leonard, Howard and Raj didn't want that! That would take forever. And Leonard needed to rest in a bed. With his eyes closed. And his wife next to him.

"Yes, of course," Sheldon said as if it was evident.

They were going to protest when someone knocked on the door and Howard got up to answer – like it happened all the time.

"Who are you?" Howard questioned.

"Thomas Black." With the mention of his ex-wife's ex-husband, Leonard's ears perked up.

"Tommy?" He called out, getting up and nearing the door. "What are you doing here?"

"Hi, Leonard." Tommy greeted. Leonard nodded instead of saying something. Tommy continued, as he shifted in his spot as if he was nervous. "I heard about the accident and Michelle. I came to Pasadena to see her. It was... hard to see her like that, you know." He awkwardly smiles, still seeming nervous. "I wasn't sure what to expect, but I'm pretty certain that that wasn't it."

"Yeah, I know." Leonard agreed and sent a smile his way. "Look we were going to watch a movie..." Tommy interrupted.

"I'll go." He turned his back on Leonard.

"Want to join?" Inside, Sheldon was violently nodding no, he didn't want a complete stranger in the apartment! He let out a breath when he heard no to the invitation and sat down on his spot.

Leonard closed the door and went to the movie stand. "What about the Facebook movie? We ended up not watching it." He remembered. They all agreed to it, and sat down comfortably on their spots, watching the movie. Leonard ended up falling asleep on his chair, a content smile visibly crossing his lips.

"Sweet dreams." He heard a familiar voice say. It was Penny, and he felt a kiss on his temple from her tender lips.

* * *

The next morning, when he woke up, he saw himself on his bed but didn't remember getting there. Getting up, going to the kitchen to have breakfast after going to the bathroom, he saw his wife making french toast while their neighbors sat on the chairs next to the kitchen counter.

Amy is the first one to see him. "Good morning, how are you feeling?"

"I'm okay." Leonard answers. Penny comes to him with the medicine the doctor prescribed and a glass of water and he downs it all down, making a disgusted face after.

They all make small talk after that while having breakfast. Leonard smiles, remembering the nightmare he had while he was unconscious. He was glad he was back home, with his real family. He smiles at Penny when she looks at him and grabs her hand. Yeah, it was good to be back.

He stayed in the apartment for three more weeks after coming back from the hospital. The day he was cleared to get out and go to work, he was up and ready faster than Sheldon and everyone else. He just wanted everything to go back to normal. It had been five months since Michelle had come back to his life – by his choice, of course, he called her – so he just wanted everything to go back to normal.

He was particularly giddy that day since Penny had a consult today, and it was finally possible to find the sex of the baby – that way, they could finally calling the baby **it**!

Leonard secretly wanted a girl, but Penny couldn't care less. _As long as it's healthy!_

Leonard went to work, without ever taking the smile on his face. He was just glad to be able to go to his lab, get some work done, have lunch with his friends and then find out if he was having a girl or a boy – well if Penny was having a girl or a boy, but he was the dad, so technically he was also having a child.

When the time to leave work was finally there, Leonard basically ran to his car.

* * *

Penny and Leonard always held hands when they were waiting for the consult. It was around this time that Tyler died, so it made Leonard even more concerned – but he was still excited to hear the baby's heartbeat again and know the gender.

"Hofstadter." The nurse called. They looked at each other and walked into the room.

After the usual procedures, it was time for the doctor to arrive and do the ultrasound. Penny was gaining weight, which was good, her blood tests appeared to be normal, everything was perfect. The doctor arrived and shook both Leonard and Penny's hands. Doctor Lebowski was roughly the size of both Leonard and Penny, with blue eyes and light brown hair. She had the usual white coat, and since she dealt with children, there was a little drawing of a dolphin on the coat.

She sat down on a chair and asked Penny to raise her shirt. After a few moments, she asked the parents-to-be if they wanted to know the sex of the baby.

"Of course!" "Yes!" Both of them say.

"Well parents, it's a girl!" Both parents look at each other and smile, excited. Leonard even more because a) he wanted a girl and b) because he made a bet with Howard and just won.

It was a happy day.

When once the evening arrived and they told their friends over dinner, they realized their life had changed a lot over the last few months, but in just a few months, it was going to change even more. They were going to have a little girl to take care of. And maybe, just maybe, more than just a girl.

* * *

 **The End**

I know it seems rushed, but I just wanted to get this story over with. After the first seven chapters, I no longer knew what to do next. So yeah, after that I got a little done with this story. Just want it done. And so, I wrote this as the last chapter. I could've written more, of course, I could. But I just don't want to or have the patient to do so.

Tell me what you thought of this chapter.

Thanks **Warriorcreed** for giving me ideas to this chapter, even though I didn't end up using them.


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